Sitting here in my pink hoodie, ugg boots and p.j's reading over yesterday's post, (yes, I am that obsessive), it occurs to me that I should expand on the ending a little. Rather than just tell you to focus on what's cool about yourself, I should provide a practical example, so what follows is a list of some of the stuff I think is great about me and that should make me irresistible to the opposite sex.
*Note: I have had roughly four hours sleep, so you'll forgive me if my train of thought seems somewhat scattered. Hey, I'm not Anthony friggin' Robbins!
1. I don't wear trackies/sweats. Maybe it's because I lived through the seventies and saw first hand the devastating effects of velour tracksuit addiction, but the only time this behind is clad in fleece is when it's lying in bed in the middle of a Melbourne winter.
2. I have a pathological hatred for soap operas. The appeal of the derivative, repetitive, mind raping phenomena known as 'Daytime Drama' has always escaped me. How many times can one woman marry into the same family/stand trial for murder/return from the dead? Maybe it's because I have some semblance of a life (such as it is), but the thought of surrendering an hour of my time to this crap makes me want to rig my T.V with a truckload of C4 explosive. Want to watch Saw five for the seventieth time, Babe? You're on!
3. I'm not a neat freak. I suppose this could also be considered a bad trait, but when it comes to being house proud, I did not take after my mother. I dust once a month, or when the top of my T.V unit starts to look like winter in Switzerland; I iron my jeans by chucking them in the dryer on high, and my kid and I have enough odd socks to start a dating service for hosiery. The lucky dude who ends up with me won't have to worry about putting a beer can on the coffee table without a coaster, and as for executing a perfect three-point fold before hanging up a bath towel? In my house, it's a bonus if the damn thing isn't on the floor!
4. I can be immature. I may be celebrating my fourth decade of existence next year, but that doesn't mean I'm going to start listening to talk radio and eating All Bran. I know what a Meme is, I still laugh at a well-timed Michael Hawk joke, I think monthly left over pizza breakfasts are mandatory, and I shop in clothing stores where the person serving me was probably an amoeba when I graduated high school. Got a problem with that?
5. I can laugh at myself. This should come as no surprise to my regular readers, who will have guessed by now that my blog is a giant exercise in comical self-flagellation, but I think it's absolutely imperative to a person's well being that they don't take themselves too seriously.
6. I'm not a princess. Ever wanted to let out a ground-shaking belch without reproach? Enjoy the odd distasteful joke? Want to borrow my IPod before you go for a run and not have to scroll through Britney Spears, Miley Cyrus, and Celine Dion tracks? I'm your girl.
7. I have a vocabulary. I enjoy conversation; it's good for the soul, keeps the brain active, and allows me to interact with people on a personal level. It's also a way of letting the world know that I can, and indeed have, read a book, and that I think syllables are a terrible thing to waste.
Well I'll be damned; I do feel good about myself again! Give it a try and see if it works for you. Better yet, post your list on my Mad Mel Facebook page, tweet it to me, or leave it in the comments section.
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