Ever wondered why you feel like you're on cloud nine when you eat chocolate? No, Cadbury's, Hershey's and co do not slip a certain plant-derived secret ingredient into the mix, but cocoa does contain a compound called cannabinoids. Yes, you read that right; cannabinoids are a compound similar to cannabis that induce a similar euphoric sensation, albeit a milder one. That's one explanation for my nocturnal eating habits, but I think there's more to it.
CHOCOLATE IS ALWAYS THERE FOR YOU. You've had a day that would test the patience of the Dali Llama, and all you're getting from your so-called loved one is shrugs and well-worn platitudes. You go home, slam the front door, and throw open the pantry to see if you can rustle up some comfort food. Finding nothing but tomato sauce, baked beans and two minute noodles, desperation is turning to despair. Then you remember your emergency provisions. Slowly, and with the reverence of a child pilfering the coveted last chocolate chip cookie, you reach up to the top shelf and take down the Tupperware treasure chest that holds your rich, delicate bounty, (and Kit Kat, and Hershey, and M&M's, etc). With your very first bite, placation starts to waft over you. Troubles? They don't exist. All there is is chocolate and happiness.
CHOCOLATE IS ALWAYS PRESENTABLE. It's a fact that human beings let themselves go as soon as they begin feeling comfortable in a relationship. The well-dressed, clean-shaven guy you once knew, who put deodorant on before and after jogging, dropped the handsome gent facade like a cockroach on fire a month after you gave him his own set of house keys. Not so with chocolate. It's never loses its silky smooth finish, and always intoxicates you with its rich, sweet aroma whenever you peel off its crisp, shiny robe.
CHOCOLATE GIVES WITHOUT THOUGHT OF RECEIVING. Give and take, who needs it? With chocolate in your life, you need never feel guilty about receiving the pleasure to which you are entitled again, much less feel obligated to return it. Health regulations, public and private decency, and the law in some countries, prevent you from completely replacing a mate with chocolate, but when was the last time you were able to say that the dessert you got at the end of the meal was a fitting reward for the truly heroic couple of hours you put into the main course?
CHOCOLATE TASTES GOOD. Speaks for itself, really.
CHOCOLATE DOESN'T HAVE RIDICULOUS STANDARDS. So you don't wake up looking like a supermodel. So you're no Nigella Lawson (nor do you HAVE to be). So you were fired from your job for calling your bosses know-it-all cousin a steel wool-headed bitch. Whether you're Miranda Kerr or Phyllis Diller; buxom food maven or cranky gruel server; polite team player or unemployed union rep with an axe to grind, chocolate is always ready and waiting with a sweet, velvety Hershey's Kiss that melts your heart, sets your thighs ablaze, and lights up your soul like a fireworks display on Chinese New Year.