Whether it's the gorgeous conditions we're experiencing here at the moment, or the migraine medication I've had to choke down because of them, I'm feeling extraordinarily positive today. Relax, I'm sure it won't last, but as long as it does I thought I'd share with you a revelation that came to me while I was laying outside under the clothes line with a wet towel on my head: Being single kicks arse! Don't get me wrong, coupledom is great and as relationship statuses go, I'd obviously like to be able to tick the box that says 'Taken,' but there are some things you can do that are much more fun when you're sans partner. Here is my top five...
1. EATING LIKE YOU HAVE 24 HOURS TO LIVE. I love my food. Whether I'm relishing a plate of Beef Burgundy that's been slow cooked over the course of a day so that it melts in my mouth like cotton candy, or scarfing down a bacon cheeseburger prepared by a sweaty sixteen year old, I consider dining nothing short of a religious experience. But when I'm dating someone, I pick the healthiest item on the menu because I'm terrified that he'll see the woman I was several years and several kilos ago, itching to bust out of her skinny prison. Ridiculous as that may sound, I'm reasonably confident I'm not alone. These days, I'm enjoying every meal as though it's my last day on Earth; even if it does mean running until I can feel my heart beating in my throat.
2. BEING 'UN-LADYLIKE.' It is a widespread misconception that all us ladies live a neat, clean, pretty, orderly existence, while our male counterparts are free to burp, fart, swear and scratch to their hearts content. I am proud to admit that I am not someone who helps perpetuate this myth, much to my mother's chagrin, but to those who find the idea of expelling gas and screaming expletives in front of a man more mortifying than finding half a cockroach in your lasagna, I encourage you to enjoy your freedom while you can! Burp the alphabet in a posh restaurant. Throw caution to the wind (so to speak) and eat nothing but curry for a week. Listen to talk radio on your way to work, just to see how many disgusting adjectives you can come up with to describe the callers. Go forth and offend, my sisters!
3. BEING COMFORTABLE. What good is that hot pink, lace G-string if there's no one there to see it? Unless you happen to enjoy the sensation of having underwear elastic nuzzling your colon, slip on the adorable Snoopy briefs you bought for five bucks at K-Mart, and bask in the breathable cottony indulgence.
4. INDULGING YOUR WANDERING EYE. Let's face it, we've all been guilty of doing a double take when a hot guy with an aesthetically pleasing posterior walks by, but the stealthy way you need to operate in order to do this while you're in a relationship can be exhausting. As a single woman however, you have the freedom, nay, the obligation to perve with abandon! You owe it to your coupled sisters to do what they would do if they had your chance!
5. GETTING DRUNK AND SINGING BAD KARAOKE. Not that singles are the only ones who do this, but getting fired up on Tequila and belting out 'All by myself' and 'You oughtta know' takes on a whole new significance when you know there's not going to be anyone to hold back your hair when you're worshipping at the porcelain altar later on.
I don't know about you, but I plan on doing all of the above things this weekend - I might even do a couple of them simultaneously! If you can think of five things that are more fun to do single, let me know!
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