I may not be a starry-eyed, dewy complexioned princess - challenge me to a belching contest at your peril - but does my age and lack of refinement make me less entitled to be treated like a lady? Despite the (thoroughly deserved) bollocking I like to give Internet dating sites, I still find myself irresistibly drawn to them whenever I feel lonely, much like an alcoholic switching to wine coolers when the free bar runs dry of the good stuff at a wedding. It was on Sunday night, while reflecting on Friday nights disappointing turn of events (see my previous post), that I found myself in just this sort of mood, and reluctantly turned on my computer and checked in to the Loser's Lounge. The regret began to set in as I was chatting to a guy who for all intents and purposes could have been completely normal. Handsome, witty, highly educated; his profile read like a resume...which is why my heart sank when his initial greeting popped up onscreen.
'Hey, u r hot.'
Disconcerting as his opening line was, I pressed on, chalking up the less than sparkling banter to the late hour. The conversation did ever so slightly improve from there. We discussed the usual introductory things; career, favourite films, etc. He made some very funny jokes, which as anyone will tell you is the quickest way to my heart, and I was starting to warm towards him when he took a switch blade and exploded the pretty illusion balloon floating above my head.
'I'll bet you get pretty w*t, don't you?'
If there was any fluid dripping off me at that moment, it was from the bucket of ice water he had just emptied over my head. I asked him to repeat himself, although I can't for the life of me figure out why, and he voiced his enquiry again. I let the red x in the top right corner of the screen speak for me from there and I haven't dared go back to the site since. I'm no choir girl - by ANY stretch of the imagination - but was it asking too much that the conversation not get saucy until it was appropriate, say for example after we had actually met? What's worse is that this isn't the first time this has happened to me. Up until now I've seen dating sites as my back-up option; a sort of insurance policy, but if these guys are the best cyberspace has to offer, and a little loneliness is the only price of serendipity, I think I'll rely on fate from now on.